The traditional definition of progress limits our thinking, leaving us with a narrow belief about what progress actually looks like. This constricted belief makes it seem like progress should be a straight line up and to the right.
I was flipping through my journal the other day, and came across this entry from last year.
My immediate reaction was, “Sigh, yeah, I’m still working on all that”. I was left feeling discouraged, like I had made no progress. A wave of hopelessness washed over me, “Will I ever succeed in doing this?”.
I quickly realized that I was beating myself up over still beating myself up. Which made me chuckle. And that was it! That realization and laughing it off was progress!
The more I reflected on this entry, the more I realized that I have made progress. In fact, I’ve made a lot of progress, just not in the traditional way. There aren’t any numbers attached to it. There are no guidelines. There are no big milestones to check off along the way. It’s hard to recognize when we’ve uprooted old behavioral patterns. We can easily miss when we’re relating to circumstances differently. Changes in our thinking naturally hide themselves from detection. This stuff is slippery, it’s elusive.
Changing my definition of progress initially repulsed me. It felt like cheating, like I was just trying to make things easier on myself. I’ve always done the opposite. In fact, I love making things hard on myself, it gives me some serious satisfaction. But I’ve had enough of this self-imposed hardship, as life happened and took care of that for me.
So here are my new definitions of progress:
- Progress can mean standing still.
- Progress can mean sitting quietly and just breathing.
- Progress can mean not doing something.
- Progress can mean not wanting to make any progress.
- Progress can mean moving backwards. Yes, failure is a part of progress.
- Progress is doing something and realizing that’s not what you want to do anymore.
- Progress is doing the same old thing but feeling differently about it.
- Progress is labeling a thought or behavior as something you’d like to change.
- Progress is acknowledging how you actually feel.
- Progress is allowing yourself to feel something uncomfortable for even a split second.
- Progress is sitting with that uncomfortable feeling and realizing you’re not wrong or a bad person because of it.
- Progress is catching yourself in the same old thought pattern.
- Progress is reacting differently to triggers.
- Progress is pausing before you speak or act.
- Progress is patience.
- Progress is restraint.
- Progress can be lonely.
- Progress can be painful.
- Progress can feel invisible.
- Progress can mean admitting to yourself that this is too much for you to handle alone.
- Progress is reaching out for help.
- Progress means cutting yourself some slack.
- Most importantly, progress means acknowledging your progress.
So often we seek external forms of progress because it’s easier for us to know when we’re doing well. Doing this “inner work” can feel demoralizing and thankless. But, it doesn’t have to be! We can make it not feel this way by widening our perspective and adjusting our definition of progress to include our inner lives as well as our outer lives.
I’d love to hear what progress means to you! Let me know!
Thank you and credit goes to Jessica Dore for providing much of the inspiration for this post.