Pressure Cooker

Not having expectations doesn’t really work for me.  Because then I expect to have no expectations. And trying not to have any expectations feels a lot like, well, having expectations.

There’s levels to it.

    • Expectations of others – (usually what we’re referencing when we say “have no expectations”) – can be helpful to temper
    • Expectations of yourself – “the good stuff” – work with em.
    • Expectations that are necessary – embedded primitive stuff – will always be there.

What we’re really driving at when we say “don’t have any expectations” is two-fold. We’re looking to turn down the pressure we put on ourselves by setting a high bar. And we’re trying to avoid being disappointed when we inevitably feel like we aren’t living up to that bar.

High expectations are like a pressure-cooker. The reactions are stronger in both directions. It’s volatile. Everything starts bouncing off the walls ramming into each other. The lid starts teetering and BOOM!

So how do we deflate some of that pressure? One of my favorite things to do when I can feel the clench of pressure is to say what I’m expecting of myself out loud. Perfection? Seems reasonable!  Smooth sailing? Yup! The ridiculousness becomes easily apparent. Realize it.

You have to have an open attitude while working with this stuff. If you try to go from having high expectations to trying to having no expectations, you best buckle up for a bumpy ride my friend. I don’t think lowering your expectations at all, especially to zero, is the best idea.

The option that I’ve found more helpful is focusing on bouncing back quicker from the disappointment. And that’s where the self-compassion floor comes in. I try to smother myself with it because it literally makes me feel like I can do anything. It’s an atmosphere. A warm light. It’s like having another layer of skin just outside your body. It’s not a reaction, it’s an orientation. Not love myself in the “feel good about myself way” but love myself in the “feel whatever you feel way, it’s okay” way.

Those high expectations keep you pushing. But the soft cushiony landing prevents you from getting bogged down when you miss.