For all of our lives we’ve been trained to provide an answer when a question is asked of us. Our minds subconsciously manufacture certainty, fearing the unknown more than the known. We operate under a facade of certainty because uncertainty makes us squirm. But, if we’re being honest, nothing in life is certain, we just like to pretend it is.
Having a chronic disease has shattered this illusion of certainty a bit and led to a lot of squirming on my part. “How am I going to feel tomorrow?”, “what if this is forever?”, “am I going to be on this medication for the rest of my life?”, “isn’t there something I can do to make this better?”. I just need to work harder to find the answers, because they have to be out there… right? And not having the answer means I’m somehow deficient…. right?
I’ve opened up to the idea that questions aren’t always meant to be answered. These unanswerable questions act as mirrors, reflecting back what and who we really are. Sometimes the answer isn’t meant to be found and sometimes the “answer” is found in how you’re thinking about the question.
In Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn he crisply expounds on this idea by stating:
Photo by Andrew Spencer on Unsplash
“inquiry doesn’t mean looking for answers, especially quick answers which come out of superficial thinking. It means asking without expecting answers, just pondering the question, carrying the wondering with you, letting it percolate, bubble, cook, ripen, come in and out of awareness…”
I’ve slowly accepted that there will be unanswered questions surrounding my illness. I’ve learned to be okay with that. I’ve also learned that acceptance does not mean defeat. There’s this common misconception that acceptance of the unknown means giving up, like it’s this passive failure. When in reality, it’s very active and triumphant. Acceptance means surrendering to what is. It means seeing things exactly as they are and not manipulating them to fit our wants or needs. It’s hard to realize that there’s a huge difference between giving up and giving in.
We all have unquestioned assumptions, expectations and reasoning sewn into the very fabric of our being. This conditioning tells us that we need answers and we need them now. If we allow it, this mindful acceptance and questioning nature can begin to unravel this fabric we wear so tightly.
Ask yourself the unanswerable questions like “who am I?” or “where am I going?” and watch where your mind goes. Don’t expect to find an answer. But do expect to find yourself. Having questions that we can’t answer doesn’t mean we’re wrong or broken. It only means we’re on our way. And isn’t that better than never having left?
